And Go Put On A Sweater

I've read blogs where new parents said things like "My God, this whole parenting thing isn't what I expected at all!"

Well...not so much.  Last night Fitz-Hume managed to soil seven diapers in a thirty minute stretch and one of my first thoughts was "This is exactly what I expected parenting would be like."

Millbarge has finally grown into the fifth percentile.  We call her our Big Fat Baby, mostly because she completely dwarfs Fitz-Hume.  Continuing her uterine trend, she eats like a fucking champion, as if she's still under the impression that she has to snorf up all the available resources before her sister gets a turn.  I keep telling her that the Wicked Formula Syndicate will keep making cans of Powdered Evil for her eating pleasure, but she doesn't really listen to me.  At this stage, babies are not all that bright.

Fitz-Hume has acquired some minor digestive issues that cause her a lot of pain, but she's still gaining weight, so her pediatrician isn't too concerned.  According to the doctor, it's just because she's so small.  When she said that, I was a little alarmed.  Small?  Fitz-Hume?  But she's over her birth weight by 50%!  She's not small, she's just the right size!  And then I looked at the charts, the ones that Fitz-Hume, even a month after birth, is still not on, and thought "Oh, riiiiiight." 

So, okay, she's still kind of small.  Whatever.  This, like the diapers, is to be expected.

What I did not expect was to ever have to say the words "Oh, for God's sake, please don't eat your sister."

Comments

[Alex]

Um, for whatever it's worth, my brother (a singleton, born approximately as early as your girls were though in an era when that was a riskier strategy) was off the height/weight charts for most (maybe all) of his childhood. Still on the small side, he is nonetheless a healthy adult who is not, by family standards (admittedly low), unusually quirky (and he's frighteningly bright).

Seven diapers in thirty minutes? Wow.

[daysgoby]

Sounds like all is well.

(Oh my GOD, did you EVER think anyone would be able to write that about your household?)

[Mandy]

I'm glad that something is finally going as expected for all of you. :) Don't worry terribly bad about the chart - my full term daughter spent more time in her first year of life off the chart or on the lowest possible curve...and at almost three years old you'd never know it.

[Jenn]

Lol, the things I have to say still crack me up. My favorite so far is though, "If you want to play with a penis, play with your own."

[statia]

You know, I was going to say something, but Jenn's comment just knocked my thought right out of my brain.

[marion]

"I keep telling her that the Wicked Formula Syndicate will keep making cans of Powdered Evil for her eating pleasure, but she doesn't really listen to me. At this stage, babies are not all that bright."

No, but you are, as proven by wickedly hilarious comments such as that one. Mmmmm, Powdered Evil! Tastes like doughnuts...

[Aurelia]

I'm glad things seem to be getting back to normal at the Buttmansion abode. Although seven diapers in 30 minutes is quite the record!

[Caro]

hilarious. Love the powdered evil.

[Cathy]

I have a picture of our larger twin quite literally gnawing on his brother's head. Eating a sibling indeed.

[Kale D]

If she has reflux, I would opt for medication, if nothing else for her pain, and your sanity. My daughter was not nearly that early, but the pain go progressively worse, and had we not done medication, my PPD would have been even worse. Nothing like having a baby that is never calm and happy. Sorry about the assvise, but I feel the need to pass on the best that I ever got in those early weeks.

[Reese]

Sounds like family life! Yay!

[hydrogeek]

I'm so glad you got to change 7 diapers in 30 minutes. YAY for poop!

Also? Jenn? I spewed my coffee.

[Ashley]

Nothing but smiles reading that post

[Slim]

You're imposing rules on the girls already? Fascist.

[Sarah]

So glad that you get to live this, crazy diaper changes and all. Hope FH feels better soon.

[silene]

I am still reeling a bit from the thought that YOU. HAVE. TWO. KIDS!! IN YOUR OWN HOUSE!! Wow...

Jenn's comment made me dribble my coffee.

[Pat]

Re Seven diapers: it helps if you wait till they're finished before you change them. :)

[uccellina]

I keep having to tell my hungry babies that nutrition does not come from my thumb, and therefore they should really try their latch on a nipple instead.

[babybobsmama]

So glad to hear you dealing with normal family life. And 50% over her birthweight sounds awesome!

[Lila]

Ah, what a pleasure to read mummy posts, including the poop stories. Please, some spit next time.

How are you feeling now? Have your muscles agreed to come back or do you keep yourself upright by willpower alone?

[Amanda Y]

A month old-and at home with you? How is that possible, oh you of the irritable body? I am still amazed that you kept them in that long and that everyone got out ok. Way to go mama.

[Decemberbaby]

You need to give them that line from Finding Nemo: sisters are friends, not food!

And seven diapers in 30 minutes is... prolific. Tell Fitz-Hume that she's a superstar.

[Karen]

I can't believe she's already in the 5th percentile! NONE of my triplets (at 6 months) is in the 5th percentile yet. Not even my big monster Sam!

[Barb]

Could you post how much she weighs? I just want to picture how tiny. :)

[Geohde]

Seven nappies in half an hour?

That's a whole lot of poop.

A lot.

J

[Amyesq]

Ha ha! A whole new realm of stress, whether your twin will eat her sister. I hadn't thought of that, although my super-skinny-yet-huge-eaters would do just that. Both for the joy of eating more and to eliminate the competition.

Glad to hear things are going, er, as planned. And seven diapers in 30 minutes? Wow.

[Helen]

I was also expecting for the less attractive aspects. When a virus hit my twins two weeks ago and I went through a pack of 45 diapers in one day, I realized that "expected" and "prepared for" were two different things.

[christine]

Don't eat your sister, that's a good one. Some of my favorites are "don't pick your brother's nose" and "don't show your bum to everyone in the grocery store".