Twins: The Neglect Is Built In

There comes a time in the life of every parent of multiples when they realize that their entire parenting experience is going to be a long series of compromises.

Actually, I'm talking completely out of my ass.  I assume that everyone who reproduces in CostCo sized lots experiences this, but maybe they don't.  Maybe it's just me.  Maybe I suck at this that much more than everyone else.  I just don't know.

I do know that we've all boarded the Compromise Express over here. 

The girls are not what you would call thrilled.  Can you blame them?  Even under the best of circumstances, they never have solitude or anybody's undivided attention, or at least not for long.  Rather than being breastfed and doted on and toted around in a sling and gazed at for hours on end, they suck down formula and are constantly being put down because sorry, honey, Mom's back is still shredded from the bed rest, and your sister needs (fill in the blank).

On average, I think I spend about 136% of my waking hours just doing damage control.  I don't dangle educational toys and coo sweet nothings, mostly because all my available energy has been taken up keeping the girls from crying, or trying.  I wouldn't even chalk up today as particularly successful in that regard, but at least I didn't find myself saying "Oh shit, don't kick your sister's soft spot!"  Not today, anyway.  This is not the kind of parent I thought I would be. 

I was recently trying to explain the difficulties involved with feeding two infants on different (and completely random) schedules to a very well meaning relative who cocked their head and said "But why don't you just feed them at the same time?"

Well, you can't, especially when one is so much smaller than the other and therefore eats more frequently.  Or maybe you can feed them, but then when it's time to burp them, it all goes to hell. 

• Who do you burp first, the one who screams in pain when she needs to be burped, or the one who sits silently when she needs to be burped, appearing content and almost cheerful, and then projectile vomits without warning?
• For that matter, who do you feed first, the crying baby who probably isn't really hungry but won't go to bed without some sort of snack, or the hungry baby who isn't crying but is awake and very much needs to eat? 
• When the planets have aligned poorly and they're both hungry at once, do you start with the baby who takes twenty minutes to eat and will then stay awake, fussing, for two damned hours, or do you start with the one who will eat and go back to sleep in fortyfive minutes?
• After the feeding, when one baby has exploded out of one end, and the other, in solidarity, has exploded out the other end, who do you clean up first?  Obviously, whichever baby you hose down second will make a concerted effort to smear some sort of effluvium as far and as thoroughly as possible while the first baby is being sanitized.

Feeding two newborns at once is a little like trying to catch two feral cats simultaneously and dress them in tiny roller disco costumes.  The satin jackets aren't so bad, but the eight tiny roller skates will fucking kill you.

Comments

[ilse]

I live in South Africa and have been silently reading your blog for a long time. Today I wish I could pick up the phone and just chat to you about today's post because I hear you loud and clear. I have twin sons (now almost 5), but I identify with what you wrote as if I went through it yesterday. Damn, those baby days are HARD. So, no, it is not just you. I struggled with exactly what you describe in your post when the boys were babies (and sometimes still do). I'm thinking of you, for what it is worth!

[Caro]

Is it wrong that your last sentence is making me giggle. Seriously, sorry it's so hard.

[Cathy]

I get the "feed them at the same time!" ALL the time. It's the single-most hated piece of advice I get. I have the same problem - a large size discrepancy (almost 5 lbs difference), random schedules, and a tendency for projectile formula. I wind up in feeding hell usually twice a day, and in a stunning moment of idiocy this week thought I could actually hold the refluxer upright on my shoulder while feeding the poor eater ... bad bad idea, and I do not recommend it. Put the one you're not with under a mobile or on an activity mat and console yourself with the thought that you're no longer ignoring their needs, you are stimulating her visual development. And if it makes you feel better, occasionally coo in her general direction.

[Melissa]

Hi. I don't have twins, so whatever I'm about to say, double.

Stop. Breathe. Go read Tertia's first couple of months worth of posts.

Back to me now. :) I believe (no matter what shit hallmark tells you) that the first couple of months (2-4) are about survival. Yours. Theirs. Everybody. Screw educational toys. Screw cleaning the bathroom. Sleep. Feed. Burp. Mainline caffeine.

You are going to get through this. They are going to get through this. The fun bits will come. Just get through the first couple of months.

And I only had mine one at a time! If you've got two and you have managed to pee moer than twice a day, yo're a freaking legend!

[Slim]

I did my baby-popping one at a time, and I spent the early months nursing and watching television or putting the baby into the Bjorn so I could go get a latte.

If I sucked with one, does that mean that I suck more than you, because you've got that whole degree-of-difficulty thing going on?

[Kir]

As the mother of 3 month old twin boys, you said EXACTLY how I have been feeling lately. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone AND I'm not a horrible mom. Hang in there, people tell me it will get better. GAWD I hope so.

[Flicka]

Do whatever you can to get out alive! That's been the main theme of every newborn twin mommmy blog I'ever read. They all get a little saner after about five months. Hang in there babe. You can do eet!

[Waiting Amy]

I think you must be doing alright if you've still got the brain power to write that hilarious last sentence. I applaud you.

As others have said -- just focus on survival these first months. I'm looking to you for tips as my twins will hopefully arrive safely this summer. There is a good chance I will be totally alone with them and my 5-year-old. So believe me, they won't be getting much individual attention either!

[Kelly]

I used to feed my twins by sitting in between their bouncy seats and holding a bottle for each one. When it was time to burp one, the other just had to wait. They are 5 1/2 now and happy and well adjusted and love each other immensely, so no permanent damage was done in the beginning!!! The only advice I can give you is to try and move their schedules as closely together as possible so when they catch up in size/feedings you can move them to the same schedule more easily. Getting them on the same schedule was HUGE for me...I think it might be the only reason I survived the first year. Once they are taking reliable naps at the same time, your life will change dramatically! And, when they get a little older, try the Podee Bottles. They are a lifesaver!!!

[Nix]

I had to chuckle when I read your post, my twin girls are now 8 months old and I'm afraid what you said still applies. We have them on the same schedule but one is always crying while the other is drinking. And I must confess now that they no longer have colic, after 5 minutes (hell after 2 minutes) if they haven't burped I don't keep pounding, I swop babies instead.

[Alison]

Akeeyu, that was pretty much how I felt about dealing with my singleton... "where's the fun? the smiles? the coos? Oops, we've got colic, so time to go marching around the neighborhood in a hot sling in the hot summer again, since it's the only way I can stop the screaming." Rinse, repeat. I can't even imagine how much more so. Parenting IS the compromise express, so far as I can tell. You're doing great. Hang in there.

[jeanie]

Oh, I remember those first few days - or was it weeks? months? years? And again, I only had one, so no matter how crap you feel you are doing, you have the degree of difficulty to factor and therefore beat me hands DOWN.

Honestly - if I were closer I would come and burp one for you. Hey, maybe you could make it a party invite. Everyone who wants to "come and see the twins" have to space their visits two hours apart and really get to see them up close and personal. Use the visits to do the mundane task of actually having a shower or something.

And the last line? A corker!

[Journeywoman]

Still fighting the IF wars here. I just wanted to tell you to hang in. You CAN do it. You don't suck.

[Clover]

Oh I soooo feel for you. I have a 7 year old and 9 month old twins and they all had 24/7 colic. Its a wonder my husband and I are still married, and that I still have all my marbles after the first 4 months with our twins. It was all about survival. I could not have done it without babysitters a few afternoons a week, inlaws coming almost every weekend to help out, doulas a few nights a week, and neighbors who would bring meals or take my older one out for ice cream, etc. Do you have anyone around to help you out or are you and Sam doing this pretty much solo?
As for feeding- what Kelly said about the bouncies. Like you, I found feeding two at a time to be quite difficult (I did a combo of both formula & breastfeeding, but they both were impossibly hard.) What sorta worked for me was either to sit on the floor between the bouncies and prop a bottle in both hands, or to sit on a chair & feed one while I used my foot to rock the other one in his/her bouncy.
All in all, I never really felt like I got the hang of it. I just felt like we somehow all survived it. And its SOOOOO much better now.
Hang in there...

[Jenn (dish)]

Yeah, you sound like a totally normal mom to me. Who is it, exactly, who has time to dangle educational toys? Oh, the mom with the live-in nanny? Ok then.

Oh, and LMOA with the last line...(hee, hee).

[Sheila]

Yeah, those first newborn months are really, really tough. And I don't think simultaneous feeding works very well for any family until the babies get a little older and have more head and neck control, for either bottle feeding or nursing. You can try to feed them in quick succession though. One is often fussing while the other feeds, and you can try to give them a pacifier or sing to them or jiggle them in a seat, but it's not fun.
The way you describe the constant "just doing damage control" and just trying to survive is exactly the way I remember the beginning with our triplets. It got better as they grew, and as we all gained experience that waiting for a turn would not be the end of the world, and that actually I could cope if they all cried at once, and I gained some confidence that we were doing an okay job. Initially I was only able to be happy and relaxed when all 3 babies were content, and that was approximately 10 minutes of every day. I was always miserable and wanting to cry myself, and I was frustrated and angry that we couldn't seem to take care of all the babies' needs right away. (Of course I was hormonally all over the place, and had some kind of PPD and anxiety issues, and no perspective on the situation at all. Yuck.) It was SO hard.
For those triage decisions, I would say that in many cases it just doesn't matter who goes first, somebody's going to be unhappy - so take turns. Or take your best guess as to whose need is genuinely greater. With feeding, it might be possible to give a hungry baby half a feed, for 5 or 10 minutes, put them in a seat that reclines at a 45' angle (to help burps come up), and half-feed the other hungry baby. Then burp them and top them up in turns again, and burp again. Hope the projectile vomiter will do a little better with smaller helpings at a time? You can never have too many receiving blankets...
Hang in there. It sounds like you are doing pretty well, when you can write about this stage so clearly and still have a sense of humour. You rock!

[Lara (Moogielou)]

Oh sister - do I hear ya! The twins are now 16 months and the days can still be long and hard but are so much more pleasurable. In the first few months, James and I would look at each other and wonder how the fuck we got ourselves into it all - call me ungrateful during those days (I mean, how can one be infertile, have two beautiful and healthy babies, and want to go out for that proverbial pack of cigarettes??!!)!

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but things will start making much more sense at about 6 months. Having also had extremely colicky babies who DID NOT go back to sleep after feedings (or sleep much at all!), who cried and cried and cried, who were on different schedules and you will appreciate even more those not-so-far-in-the-future days when you can just relax a bit and enjoy your sweet little ones as they grow and become less needy.

Hang in there my dear.

Lara

[Twin Momma too]

I remember crying a lot in the beginning and saying that I never got to hold the "happy" baby (whoever it was at the time). It does get better! Those first months are so so hard. Just do the best you can and remember-SURVIVAL is all you're going for the first few months!

Also, now that the twins are 18 months it's more like trying to herd rabbits on crack so in a sense it is getting easier.....

[mamie]

found you via snick and read back a few posts. just wanted to get in there and say
a) had so much milk, boys would not latch, gave it up at 8 weeks with cabbage in the bra too and they are fine. absolutely fine. did i feel like a failure at first,yep. do i care now, nope.
b) different sizes are really hard but then the formula kicks in and your little one will grow, and grow and grow. it will happen, though it never feels fast enough.
c) keep spilling it here, all the stuff because in some small way it helps to get it out. i feel like i hid a lot and by 6 months was a disaster waiting to happen. (6 months is when things started to get a bit better.)

it is really about getting through this early time. and you may hear this a lot, but you are a good mom, the best and only one for your little ones, just the one they need.

there is a good twin site set up over at how do you do it on wordpress. i like all the mamas there and it helps tp read and see what is up with the others (if you get chance to read, you know)

[Vickybu]

Oh sweetie, I totally feel for you! I just found your blog today and blew my whole work day reading! I have a 3-year-old and 2-year-old twins. With my oldest, I was the crunchy-granola-b'feeding-babyfoodmaking-slinging-cosleeping mama I always wanted to be after a beautiful perfect unmedicated birth-center birth.

With the twins --- well, let's just say it was a whole different story, KWIM?! The hospital birth, the b'feeding-just-isn't-going-to-work, the massive anxiety attacks on the day I came home from the hospital, the going to see the doctor only to be told there's nothing we can do for you (UM, NOT AN ANSWER!), to those crazy blurry days and nights of newborn twins.

All I can tell you is what all my twin-mom friends told me -- survive the first year and it all gets better from there. I vividly remember my personal goals for that first year with the twins -- 1. Everybody is still alive at the end of the year. 2. I'm still married. 3. Preferably to my DH! I did achieve that and now life is infinitely more fun than it was that first year.

Hang in there. It does get better. And for your own sanity and the sanity of those around you, give up every goal you have/had for yourself and your family other than sheer survival until the girls are able to walk and talk, ok?!

[Joy]

I used to get SO annoyed when people talked about "playing" with your newborn. What the hell are they talking about? Newborns don't PLAY, they're simply not at that point developmentally. Why was I feeling bad about this?

Someone finally relieved my tension by telling me that "playing with" or "educating" your newborn really just means "interacting with" and "stimulating" the newborns... and to clarify this further, EVERYTHING is stimulation to a baby, and being in the same room (providing food, changing diapers, and getting the kids to sleep) counts as interaction. Suddenly, I was a BRILLIANT parent simply because I talked out loud to my child! ("Okay, you're screaming, so you're probably not going to appreciate the subtleties here, but what I'm doing now is heating up your bottle in a pot of warm water, which you will hopefully drink without having an attack of reflux! How does that sound, sweetie?")

Also, in the early months, you get a free pass on the content of your talk to the babies. This is particularly good when the music on the electronic bouncy seat is about to drive you nuts:

I hate this fucking song,
I hate this fucking song,
Hi ho the dairy-o,
I hate this fucking song!

[Amyesq]

Ha ha ha! Now I get why other twin moms say to me I was lucky my kids were in an orphanage for the first ten months of their lives! I am usually like "Fuck you!" but dude, the metaphorical tiny rollerskates are tough.

Even still at 17 months. And you still can't hold them both at once because one will get really pissed off and try (and succeed)to clock the other one on the head with the Roll-On Spray N Wash and then all hell breaks loose. It does get better. The difference between ten months and 17 months is already huge.

[annacyclopedia]

Just saying that you are the clear winner for simile of the year. No matter that we're only a third of the way through 2008 - nobody else will come close. Brilliant.

[Lyrehca]

I too, found your last line hysterical. No advice on twins, but hang in there.

[Tiffany]

I just started reading your blog and apart from being the oldest and only singleton in a family with two sets of twins, and finding solace in the fact that I'm not to only one that struggled with twin nuances when my sisters were infants, I find your writing style utterly amazing! I look forward to reading more.

[Shanna]

Seconding the mobile idea for the one who's not getting other attention at that moment. The music would really get on my nerves, but at the same time I was SO HAPPY to have THAT ONE quiet while THIS ONE was being fed/changed/whatever.

[twirl]

best last line ever.

[Claudia]

Oh yes, I remember those days, and not fondly. Frankly, when I think about the first six months of my twins' lives I have what I imagine to be post-traumatic-stress-disorder-type flashbacks. Those months suuuuuucked.

Hang in there. You'll get through it. You're doing the best you can do and that's all you can do.

[Ann]

I don't care wether you had one or seven babies, the first year is hell, period. I have 4 kiddos and not one of them remember how much I sucked in the beginning. That doesn't mean every once in a while you won't remember and feel like a heel even 23 years later LOL. Hang in there it does get easier. (((hugs)))

PS; it took 3 years to get my much loved 4yo, but don't tell him every so often I propped the bottle and ate a hot meal ;-)

[Alex]

I have no helpful advice, but I do want to say that I found the phase(s) you are living through now quite difficult even with a, you know, much-wanted (like yours), not to mention pretty easygoing/happy (maybe not like yours? colic was not an issue I dealt with...) singleton. It's just hard. And that's with one.

Like many infertiles I was afraid to hope that I'd actually come home from the hospital with a baby, so I didn't read any parenting books before he got here. Once he did and I was reading Dr. Sears' book, which has some stupid line about, "Sure, there are swings you can buy that will rock your baby for you, but why would you use those when you can hold your baby in your arms and rock your baby yourself?" -- I got to that sentence at the end of a long day and looked over at my happy son, being rocked by his electronic swing, and thought, "Well, gee, the answer to that's obvious -- isn't it? It's so I won't go crazy and hurt him!" And, hey, as I say, I had it easy -- but I found that I need more down time than parenting even an easy infant allows (don't get me wrong, we both survived and he's thriving at 1 y.o.), and, hey, there's just not much you can do besides suck it up and deal -- which doesn't make it fun (not that there aren't wonderful moments, I'm not saying there aren't -- but there are some pretty hard ones, too). And I'm guessing that with twins the effect is not additive but multiplicative (so -- maybe 16 roller skates?).

All of which is just to say, hang in there, you are doing a great job (simply the fact that you are worrying about these issues shows that), and it will get better.

[Lut C.]

Why don't you just ... never mind. :-)
You're doing great!

[May]

On the plus side, by having your two simultaneously, you don't have to deal with the guilt that comes from being utterly devoted to your first newborn, and then when the second one comes along, ignoring him completely while you try and keep your two-year old's head from exploding from jealousy.

So, it's an equal amount of neglect rather than being so one-sided. Less guilt? No? Okay then.

(And where, exactly, can I get cat-sized roller skates? My cat needs to lose some weight and that sounds just perfect.)

[uccellina]

I keep getting "feed them at the same time" too. Seriously, how many hands do people think we have? My son is a fresser (yiddish: one who eats like an animal), and really requires full attention when he's being fed or else he'll choke on the gallon-sized swallows he's trying to suck down. Meanwhile, my daughter lying next to him, screaming as if her leg were broken because Why The HELL Isn't She The Only Baby? Unfair! Unfair!

. . . and, cue yelling. At least my kids have good comic timing.

[Christy O]

I have twins that are 6 y/o and just had triplets 5 weeks ago - girl, I feel ya!! I was just thinking today that the only time I touch my son (the "good" baby) is when I wipe his ass 'cause one of the girls is uber-high maintenance, and the other goes along just for kicks.

I know you don't care right now, but it does get better. and I really hope it is soon, because I've slept 2 hours in the past 36 hours.

[Jeannine]

You may not realize it, but just ending each day with the same number of kids you started with makes you a superhero. My twins are nine months now, and someone still gets "neglected" each day from time to time as I deal with whoever needs me most at the moment first.

Some feeding tricks that worked for us (ours were on the same schedule, so I sometimes could feed one at a time while the other slept, but sometimes I had to tackle two at once):

Try putting a king-sized pillow on your bed and rest their heads only on the pillow. This will provide a good angle for digestion. Lie down on your side and double-fist it. When someone needs a burp, prop the bottle on the content one and burp the one who needs it. I hated feeding in the bouncy seats because you had to unbuckle them to get them out for a burp - the pillow method gets rid of that problem - plus, when I sat on the floor bewteen them, my back ached, but on the bed lying down was a nice break.

Just wait - in a few short months, they'll be holding their own bottles - when this happened for us, I finally felt like I might make it out of this alive. Good luck, and try to enjoy those (very brief) moments when everyone is happy at the same time - they'll be more of those soon.

[kelbell]

AHAHAHHAAHAHA I so needed to read that. My second set of twins are 10 months and I don't remember their 6 yr old twin siblings being this difficult. I know they were but my mind has blocked it out for my sanity.

[meanmama]

The first line of this post is right on. I have twins boys now 2 1/2, and it does get easier as their personalities come through me and they can tell you what they want. But still, it's always a compromise of time, attention, energy, etc. I am having a third baby, and I still have no baby book or notes from the twins. I was too busy feeding them, I guess...

[Caris]

The first few months are just hard - even with one (colicky, and with an undiagnosed kidney valve problem for a few months) it felt like I was at the end of my rope all the time. When we were out, women with older children would stop me and say "Oh, a baby! Enjoy it while you can, they grow up so fast!" I would just force a smile and secretly think that I couldn't wait. Maybe I am just not a baby person, but I can say that it gets better and better, and I've never longed for the days of spit-up and sleeplessness.

I found that everything changed once my daughter discovered language and the idea of specific communication. It made everything easier, and it happened waaay soner that I thought it would. You have such a charming humour and visual use of language - that is probably MUCH better for their educational development than any specially-marketed toy you could dangle at them.

[Nearlydawn]

OK, I'm fucking crying from laughing so freakin' hard. I'm totally gonna steal this line: "Feeding two newborns at once is a little like trying to catch two feral cats simultaneously and dress them in tiny roller disco costumes. The satin jackets aren't so bad, but the eight tiny roller skates will fucking kill you."

I have to tell you, it isn't easy with one, I don't know if I would survive two. I've seen it done, and I am in awe. :)

Hey, one good (and possibly totally insensitive idea) thing is that you have the potential to be done by surviving one year from hell. I, my friend, promised my hubby we would do our best not to have an only child. What the fuck did I KNOW ABOUT THAT PROMISE when I made it?!?!? Oh boy, do I feel like an idiot. LOL Forgive me if that is an insensitive idea... I'm a sleep-deprived Mommy...

[every tenth]

I found you through Snickollet, and am the mom of boy/girl twins. I wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings about having to split your attention between two babies. I still question whether I am doing enough for each one, but at the end of the day, I love my babies as much as can and keep them as safe and secure as I can, and that is the best I can do.

[Alex]

Me again. I hope it's not assvice for a non-twin mom to pass along something she ran into another mom, who is a twin mom, swearing by, but here goes: Chris (of accidental housewife, which blog is found at those two words + the number 1 + blogspot.com) -- not sure if she comments here or not, or vice-versa -- anyway, she posted awhile back on her blog about Podee bottles. You can find them at www.podee.com and I distinctly remember she swore they were the only thing that made feeding twins possible.

I have not used them and cannot speak to their virtues (or lack thereof), but on the off chance this might actually be useful info...

[Geohde]

Going in search of two feral cats to disco-up in practise for when I'm trying to feed two babies at once,

J

[Hetty Fauxvert]

This may or may not be useful to you... but the only way my husband and I kept our sanity through the first few months of taking care of our twin boys (now a year old) was to give them bottles, diaper them, etc., at the same time, rather than on demand. (Okay, if one kid smelled like a recently used litter box, he got a diaper, but that was pretty much the only exception.) This sometimes resulted in me actually waking up one boy to feed him, after I had just fed his wailing, starving brother (luckily, our boys tended to go back to sleep easily when they were tiny), or removing a diaper that was really very nearly bone dry -- but the important thing was that we, the parents, actually retained our sanity! (Okay, most of the time. My brain still feels a trifle pudding-y, to tell the truth.)(Oh, dear, which is why I apparently generate puns like "trifle pudding-y." Eek.) And sometimes one kid would eat 100 ml while his brother ate about 20 ml, but if everyone was topped off at the same time, that gave mom and dad a chance to sleep for a couple of subsequent hours. I strongly recommend not a schedule (since babies are so unpredictable) but simply doing everything by two's for a while. It really worked well for us. (And we used mostly formula, since I'm older than God and could hardly produce any milk, but they seem to be fine. Don't let the BF Nazis get to you! You're doing great!)

[Emma]

Akeeyu, it gets easier. My twin boys are now nearly 18 and I still can't remember their first year very much. One of mine had reflux for which the only remedy I was offered was 'hold him upright for an hour after every feed' You can now imagine how easy and successful that was. A misty blend of exhaustion and desperation colours their baby memories for me. It does get better. You will get through this. Compromise is your friend.
Be well.

[andrea]

Coming in to echo that you are SO not alone in feeling you're on the Compromise Express (etc); no, it's not because you suck more that you feel like that (unless I suck too). My twin girls are 10 months now and I still feel like I can never be "enough" for both of them. It's really, really hard, especially in those early months when they can't sit up on their own or anything, when they're just floppy little bundles who need, need, need. I sometimes wonder if I ever just got to sit and cuddle with them - I just cannot remember that time clearly! I know it's a pain in the arse for people to tell you it gets better (as I have before). The visions I had of lots of snuggling and me always being calm in the face of screaming and being all creative and stimulating and blah blah - out the window.

But really, the girls can sit up on their own now, they're crawling, so now they can come to me ON THEIR OWN when they want me! And they can BOTH sit on my lap! They can get to the toys they want! And now we have a rough schedule of two naps a day (one sometimes wakes earlier, but I just keep her up till their second nap time)! And they only take a few MINUTES to (breast)feed! And they can feed themselves all sorts of finger foods for meals! Really, all these recent developments have made my life SO much easier and the girls are SO much happier. It may seem distant, but it will happen before you know it.

I don't know if you have bouncy seats but they were a lifesaver for me when I was on my own. I could bounce (and thereby calm) one crying twin while feeding the other; I could bounce & calm both at once if they were both freaking out - I don't know what I would have done without those things. Also, our Fisher Price panda playgym - it has a revolving mirror thingy with little lights and dangly things. When they were that little they loved to just lie under it and stare at the lights and colours.

[Linsey]

All childcare, everywhere, is merely damage control. All of it.

[laura]

Well said, sister, well said.

Everyone always told me that "Things get so much better at four months." Four months, my ass. They had no clue. But I would agree that I had a glimpse of that light at the end of the tunnel around six months. Kind of.

[Heather]

Some personal experience advice for you...

Sit on couch with recliner up. Lay baby 1 on lap facing you with bottle in mouth with left hand. Baby 2 in boppy on couch next to you with bottle in mouth with right hand. Make sure you've got a good TV show on, the phone nearby and no one bothers you for a half-hour. WOrked like a charm for me until my twins could hold their own bottles at a lovingly late age of 9 mos or so. lol

You could always sit on the bed with two boppies likewise. The downside is you aren't really "cuddling" your baby when you feed it, but for my schedule feeding my twins at the same time was the only way I could do it (my daughter is two years old than them so I wasn't lucky with my "free time". lol)

[Heather]

I want to edit that with baby 1 they should be reclined up on your bent legs, not lying in your lap. ;0)

[Heather]

I still think you rock!! No matter how insane things get for you, you still make us laugh. You are my QUEEN CAT HERDER!